Revitalization’s Weblog
For the curious, questioning, and wandering soulArchive for Music
That warmth that fills your heart with hot red blood
And you stand with hair pulled back, and your hands are pressing against your ears, and all you can hear is the pattering sound of water on your skull, your cranium, your mind. And then the water rushes in, and fills all voids, swishes around and around in your mind, warm and fuzzy. Warm lights. Yellows and orange, it’s so peaceful, as if in back in the womb, when there was absolutely nothing, where there was just warmth, and light, and dim echoes of sounds, and the comforting sound of a mother’s heartbeat, of a mother’s voice. And your eyes are closed, and a slight smile sits on your lips, and you are cared for, and loved, and all is wondrful and beautiful because you are here, surrounded by warmth.
And then you open your eyes, and you see where you are, and you see you. You see you and what you have become and you wonder what the hell you are doing right here, right now. If you have made ANY difference in this fucking world that you have been living in, so blindly. As if you haven’t started living, as if you are waiting for something good or great, something to change, some major life change after which you will start living as the person you want to be, and you feel you need that fuckng push. That SHOVE. And it doesn’t come, and so you wait, and you slump, and your shoulders hunch, and your eyes lower, and your spirit withers, and all you have, all you hang onto is that little glimmering hope that ONE DAY that change will come. It will bring you up, lift you high and take you across, where all is good and wonderful, where life begins, and where you so desperately belong. And as you wait, and wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait, you see the fucking damage that this time, this torturous time has had on your rocky heart, and your wrinkled brow. And then self-pity sets in.
And all you want to do is crawl back into that warm place. That warmth that fills your heart with hot red blood and flushes your cheeks. That place that you know was the one place where you were sure, and all you had to do was close your eyes, rest your mind, and feel soft pulses, plush sounds, calm breaths. Just be still.
Diaries of a Vagabond
I sit here, listening to some sad music, putting me in the mood, urging me to write pitiful words. Hah. The hairs stand on my arms, my eyes ache. I love the violins, the sad sad violins.
Just BREAK me down! I am starting to crave it—just an earth-shattering blow to my world. Break it into one trillion pieces, break crack rip smash. Oh what I would give to…. To move, to start again and again and again. It gets so boring. One life, one way of life, I’m tired. Turn it upside down, shake my shoulders. Am I seriously the only one? The only one who is bored, bored of this, of doing this, again and again. Eat, sleep, gym, study, work, play. How utterly dull, such monotony.
I don’t know how to do it, I don’t think I’m big enough to take the step. I don’t think I could do it to myself- change it all, just leave it all behind. Really, if I just picked up and left. Stepped onto a bus, and went. Got onto a plane, and left. Just left. I mean I don’t know if…. Hmm……vagabond
My shine is wearing off. Like an old penny, covered in age. The glisten in my eye is dimming, the light in my pulsing heart flickers. Maybe reality is setting in, and I am hearing. I am seeing what ‘to be human’ really means. I’m seeing agony, I’m seeing heartbreak……………I’m seeing fear….. helplessness.
I can see it in strangers’ eyes. I see how much it hurts.
But we get by, because that’s all we know. And so we shuffle along, and keep treading water and we make a little life, surround ourselves with material comforts, and try to forget, plug our ears and close our eyes shut tight, and just block out what we don’t want to hear, what we don’t want to realize is so true.
And I see myself… I can see myself on this path, on this specific road, going down the ignorant road. Is it so wrong that I want something different for myself, for me, is it so wrong that I want something great? So just give me an earth-shattering blow and break me down into one trillion pieces so I can wake up and start again, so I can try again………. I just need to try again….let me try again
a random 15
I like the smell of hot milk.
I love sleeping in soft beds.
I think I’m a sincere person.
I like to sit in the front of the bus so I can see the road.
I try to read books that will open my eyes.
I love getting hand-written notes.
I like listening to songs over and over again.
I prefer rainy days.
I think there are people that weave in and out of my life, and I in theirs, where we have never met and may never meet, but somehow we are undeniably connected.
I want an amazing romance.
I like to make eye contact with strangers.
I save random objects and notes I find in a little hidden box.
I write things on money in hopes that they will return to me in years and years.
I look forward to really honest moments.
I sometimes forget to look up at the stars and realize how infinitesimal life is.
A Social Experiment
I’m starting a social experiment to discover how beautifully interconnected I believe the human race truly is! Please visit my new page: reveal your story.
Send me your life stories, or events and moments you experienced that were life-changing, inspiring, and revolutionized your view on life.
I am sure that I as well and many others will benefit from reading your story, so please send them to revealyourstory@gmail.com
his beautiful face and his beautiful mouth
why the hell not?
I can visualize these things that hold me back, I can see shyness, I can see embarassment, I can see fear, I can see nervousness.
But above all else I can see him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his beautiful face and his beautiful mouth. I try to catch a quick glimpse, capture a fleeting image.
He’s beautiful, the way he talks, the way he laughs, the way he looks
I think we could be good, great even… and I don’t even know him and I don’t approach him and I watch him leave as my heart follows
I wonder why I can’t have him, why I don’t pursue him, why the hell not?
It’s been a while…
It’s been a while and I’m still trying to figure things out… still trying to find love, still searching for myself, still hoping to stand confident…
I love these lyrics:
“I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own…
It was the wicked and wild win
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn’t believe what I’d become…”
-Viva la Vida, Coldplay
don’t cry for tomorrow
Unclench…slowly open. Because when that weathered heart opens, when that crumpled spirit begins to pulse, Oh, the world opens. It’s like a high. As if the universe begins to allign–for you, time smiles and for the first time, you realize this life, THIS life, is the only chance you’ve got to break, to scream, to hate, to cry, to breath, to love, to open, to realize, to be.
Make it what you may, but make it quick. Quick steps, it shall end soon, and this very moment decides–let it decide. Wash your hands and begin again. You can.
Almost Lover
Goodbye my almost lover, Goodbye my hopeless dream. I’m trying not to think about you, Can’t you just let me be? So long my luckless romance, My back is turned on you. Should have known you’d bring me heartache, Almost lovers always do.
-A Fine Frenzy
A Stone
“Hot breath, rough skin, warm laughs and smiling, the loveliest words whispered and meant – you like all these things. But, though you like all these things, you love a stone. You love a stone, because it’s smooth and it’s cold. And you’d love most to be told that it’s all your own. You love white veins, you love hard grey, the heaviest weight, the clumsiest shape, the earthiest smell, the hollowest tone – you love a stone.” -Okkervil River
