Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for October, 2007

Serene Dream, Surreal Dream

Serene Dream

Surreal Dream

I dream of the anti-chaos.

I dream of the heartbeat, of the rhythm inside.

I dream of the calmness and the peacefulness, the inner peace.

I dream of a vibrant colored world, where doves are blinding white, and grass is razor-sharp green.

I dream of a higher being, a higher wisdom, and heigtened awareness.

I dream of a world as serene and surreal as my dreams

I will not

I will not tell you my name.

I will not tell you my name, or my body type.

I will not tell you my name, or my body type, or my hair color.

I will not tell you my name, or my body type, or my hair color, or my ethnicity, or my height, or the shape of my face, or the width of my eyes, or the length of my arms.

I will tell you my thoughts.

I will offer you my words, my ponderings, my random speak.

I will give you ideas of the small, abstract, ticking world inside my brain. Take what you will.

Fate, you out there?

I want to believe in fate. I want to know the comfort that someday, fate will bring someone amazing into my life, or something incredible that will turn my world upside down. But I always have that small doubt, in the dark, suspicious corners of my mind: what if it won’t happen? What if I already passed up that opportunity and it’s never, ever coming back? What if I made the wrong decesion? What if, by some long, convoluted, random series of events, I am not where I am supposed to be in this moment and time? And while I could be experiencing something inspiring and truly grand, I am here, waiting…waiting for it to come to me.

What if?

I want to believe that I have made sound decesions, that have led to a better me. I want to believe that I didn’t take a wrong turn years, or hours, or even seconds ago that will haunt me. I want to have that assurance that everytime I decided something, it was for a purpose that was necessary, good or bad, to shape me into who I am, and what I stand for in this moment. The people I met, the things I did, the lifestyle that I chose were all for some reason… But I realize, I will never have this assurance. I know that it isn’t possible to find out if I am living life the way I am suppose to. And so, I must accept what I have done, whether it was the best way to go about things, or if it was the worst possible decesion I could make, and move forward. I just hope, truly hope, that there are some opportunities and some people in my near and far future that will force me to grow, to love, to learn, to experience, to discover….

I want him

I want our hands to hold each other, the way they just drift together, without any thought.

I want him to guide me in a crowd, by placing his hand on my lower back, ever so gently

I want to wrap my arms around his strong torso when it’s cold, pulling him tightly.

I want him to him to stand so close that it make my heart race and sends chills down my neck.

I want to cup his face in my two hands. I want to feel his jaw, his cheek, his soft hair.

I want to lay my ear on his chest, listening to his heart beat, falling asleep to the rhythm

I want to feel comfort when near him, beside him

I want happiness and joy and laughter when playing with him

I want to share the world’s sorrow and pain knowing that his and my heart aches the same

I want to grow with him

I want to know that when we look in each other’s eyes, we sense everything.

It’s simple; I want him and only him.

The Start

This blog, these writings, are me. Simply me. The real, true, unfurbished, unrefined, purely flowing me.

I love houses without lawns

I love that hot pink house, the one that’s awkward and stands out

hand written notes

the chipped nail polish

the crooked smile

I love textured silence

I love dripping paint