Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for January, 2008

oh MY god

I’m sitting next to Gods! Can you imagine? Sitting next to those godly beings, those golden perfected beings? I’m at the cusp! At the cusp of something great!! I can feel it and taste it…it’s so frighteningly close! I have to push, it takes a lot. It’s like this huge massive amazing journey, this grand push, grand and final and ultimately life changing push!

Oh MY god, what holding me back, holding my hands, and pulling, harder and harder each day? Sure I make leaps and bounds every so often, but then, the next day and the next day and the next day, I step back, one at a time, one after the other, I lose quite slowly. A slow defeat. Drowning in mediocrity!

I feel it in my HEART. I feel it—the blood gushing through my veins, the chills that sprint down my spine, the water pounding, dripping, and drilling on my skull, I feel it! Oh MY god!

I sense something greater, greater than I’ve ever known! Honestly, I can honestly say this is true! I feel it must be true, for if it’s not, there would be Nothing else left! It has to be true, it has to! The quest—it’s what my life has to be defined by. It’s building up, like pressure, building and building and growing and building! And then, the release. .the release. The gush, the surge, the amazing wonderment, this higher than bliss feeling, Higher and higher and higher than anything, it’s that moment!

Oh I can only imagine! To reach that moment! Maybe it’s inconceivable, maybe it never happens, maybe it simply and forever, eternally never ever never happens. Maybe it’s something we just live for, something that we hope and pray and live for, but never happens. Maybe that’s the point.

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))((

I’m not so much as scared to die, as I am to not have enough time–time to live freely, love passionately, time to find my place and belonging in this vast, forever-reaching universe.