Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for September, 2008

I am. And I get the chance to be.

There are just way too many issues to deal with! I am so confused right now, and I just want to let it all go! What the hell. Why the hell not?

Cause I cant, cause I can’t freaking let it all go. I cant give up, and it sucks… I can’t give up on myself, or my goals, or my needs. I can’t, because if I did, if I ever did give up on myself that would be the total end. I can’t give up on myself. I can’t give up on myself. Why? Well, because I’m important to me. I matter, and in this expanisive utterly unimaginably big universe, I matter because I exist. I wasn’t passed up, I was brought to this world some how, some way out of millions of coincidences and utter luck, I was born, at this present time, in this world, on this world. I was brought here, and I have to keeping trying if only for that. If only to appreciate the fact that out of millions and billions of chances, coincidences, instances, where something could have changed the course of everything and everyone, it didn’t! It didn’t, and so I’m here. So I’m not going to pity myself, wallow, or complain. That’s such a waste of time, and I have to see it that way.

Oh sure, it’s healthy to express your emotions. Be sad and furious and angry and mad at the world because for some f-ing reason you got screwed over and they didn’t, you got dealt a bad hand, a bad day, a horrible past, and they didn’t. Sure you think it sucks, and everything sucks, but never never think there’s nothing to live for. Never think that! I will never think that. There is always something to live for- not for my measly biological body, not for someone else, not for society, not for you. Live because you got the chance, you got it.

You. Got. It.

Realize that, that’s such a rare thing. Such a rare thing. Live because there’s something unknown, something much much much much bigger out there, and remember that our society and earth and our perceptions are not always right or true. We’ve created this little home, this little pocket in space time, but there is so much more outside of us, and our ways. Live because life is inspiring.

Life is inspiring. There have been legendary people who have done epic things, and humans have created some of the most beautiful things like art and music. But nothing, nothing, can compare or come close to the beauty of life. Life is such a great thing, and we get to partake. There is life, life exists. There is. I am. We are. And that is so beautiful. That is simply amazing. Simply inspiring.

We are.

I am. And I get the chance to be.

I live, and I won’t give up because I am. And I get to be.

Positive Wellness

In my Public Health class, we talked about Positive Wellness, and I found the various definitions extremely true and close to what I try to do in my life:

Positive Wellness:

1. Ability to cope with everyday stresses

2. A sense of accomplishment and growth

3. Contentment or happiness

4. The desire for a better life for you and for others

5. The ability to express yourself creatively

6. Feeling that life is worth living

7. Responsibility for oneself- exercising, eating right, etc.

8. Feeling empowered

Little mental dreamthings

I can’t help it. I can’t help but look forward, to the future, to a better time where I’m more stable, happier, more confident, a better person; some place and time where I can appreciate life more than I am right now. I realize I have a lot of growing to do- I still haven’t found all the answers.. and I know this because of the way I act, the way I think, the things I do that I know are slightly wrong, or silly, or not right. But I wonder if that day will ever come- that day when I have all the qualities I dream up, the person I’m “supposed” to be… I consider it may be a perpetual quest.

And I can’t wait for the opportunities! I literally can’t wait- I want to do it all, and right now! I want to have it ALL. They tell me to wait, “your day will come,” you’re too young now, you’ll have time for that… but that’s just it, I might not… I might not have time, I can’t see the future and I don’t want to be living for that hazy futuristic time where I may, somehow, if the time is right, and if I’m old enough, and if I have enough money, and if I’m in the right place… I don’t want to wait for that day. I know, I want a lot. I want to do it now! I want to experience it now- all that life has to offer, I want it all- I want to travel, really travel and immerse myself in somewhere so different, I want to love (clearly I haven’t done that enough), love so purely and without fear! I’m so ready, and I’m anxious!

Oh the things I want to do, the things I dream up, my little mental dreamthings…