Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for November, 2008

his beautiful face and his beautiful mouth

why the hell not?

I can visualize these things that hold me back, I can see shyness, I can see embarassment, I can see fear, I can see nervousness.

But above all else I can see him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his beautiful face and his beautiful mouth. I try to catch a quick glimpse, capture a fleeting image.

He’s beautiful, the way he talks, the way he laughs,¬†the way he looks

I think we could be good, great even… and I don’t even know him and I don’t approach him and I watch him leave as my heart follows

I wonder why I can’t have him, why I don’t pursue him, why the hell not?

I’m one day older, one day weaker, one day closer to a final day I’m not ready for

I feel I’ve tainted this blog. It’s pessimistic. It’s just that I’m not in a good place right now. I am so desperate for something beautiful it’s driving me insane. Literally stuck in such sluggish normality. I get frustrated, I get stuck. I feel stuck. I need something different, something good, something really good and new and refreshing and exciting. Something that makes my heart race and my palms sweat. Something that makes me giddy as I bite my lip, trying to hold it in. I want to feel my heart race, I want to feel it accelerate and beat rapid beats. I want to feel my heart.

I hate my timidness, my desperateness. I hate when I shut my mouth, when I choose not to. When I don’t just act, just do what I know I can, could.

I’m not writing well. I used to be better. I used to be inspired and ready. I used to be expressive, open. But, I’ve never really been bold. Never.

I’m afraid what will happen if I’m not. Boldness is tough, it’s like putting yourself out there, in the open, and just being totally honest and truthful it’s completely¬†freshing.

Stop holding back, stop stop stop. Life is ending. You just lived another day. Another day out of your limited days. Another day passed, another day that will never come back. Another chance that slowly swept away.

I’m one day older, one day weaker, one day closer to a final day I’m not ready for.