Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for February, 2009

becoming healthier, skinnier, and let’s face it, happier

I’ve been struggling with this for a while now, and It’s tough. There’s no other way to put it. I feel like there’s so much pressure on girls to be thin, pretty and slender, athletic and toned. And, while I eat healthily and try to excercise a couple times a week, I don’t think I’m putting enough effort into it. I honestly think I will be happier with myself if I lost 10 pounds. Honestly. And I know, I know that losing weight won’t make your life better or brighter, but I can’t help to think that it will. I can’t help to think that I will be more confident and just be able to appreciate myself and love myself as I see my body in the mirror. Superficial? Maybe. But in this world, in society today, what else is there?

So, I really want to put a true effort into this. I’m sure many women and maybe men can relate when I say that I’ve decided, one morning, “I’m going to be super healthy today, and start a new diet to lose weight.” And this lasts for what?, a couple days, maybe a week if I’m lucky! Then, temptation creeps up on you and suddenly you’re eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s along with a slice of pizza! It’s all oh so over after that

geez, this is going to be tough! But, for my sake, for not only my superficial need of being more slender and therefore prettier and more confident, I also want to do this for my health, so I can live a long, long, long life. I want to make this a lifestyle change. Not a diet that I stick to for a while. I want to change my ways, and with my sweet teeth (as in plural), it’s going to be tough. And I know there will be days where I crave and crave and desperately want to indulge just that once, just a tiny bit, I have to refuse. I have to, otherwise it won’t work.

And so, hopefully, I sincerely HOPE that I can start this change tomorrow. I want to start excersising more, at least 4 times a week, and writing down everything that I eat so I can pinpoint where my weaknesses come in. I think that this will really help, because I doubt most of us realize what we eat during a day or a couple days collectively, I know I don’t think about it very much.  I want to cut down on sugars and fats, and increase in vegetables and fruits. I want to make sure to eat smaller portions in every meal, and avoid snacking during the day. So tomorrow, I start. Tomorrow I will change my lifestyle, and be successful. BE STRONG and say goodbye to instant satisfaction!

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I love your comments, really, I do!

I just wanted to thank everyone who comments on my posts. I truly appreciate it, whether it’s positive or negative. Just hearing that some people relate to what I write, or gain something, it makes me feel glad.

You know, I used to struggle, wondering if I should really be blogging. I wasn’t sure if I wanted everyone to know my thoughts, my beliefs… I didn’t want to express myself in such a way…and I didn’t want others to quickly take my beliefs and values as theirs, because they are mine, only mine.  I knew that I certainly didn’t want people to know my on the exterior. My name, my height, my face, etc. etc. But, I find it interesting that I’m able to be more open with strangers, than I am with the people I am close to. So, I guess I finaly chose to share my thoughts and beliefs, my little mindthings, my dreams and hopes…. and now, I find myself enjoying what other people think about my thoughts

Diaries of a Vagabond

I sit here, listening to some sad music, putting me in the mood, urging me to write pitiful words. Hah. The hairs stand on my arms, my eyes ache. I love the violins, the sad sad violins.

Just BREAK me down! I am starting to crave it—just an earth-shattering blow to my world. Break it into one trillion pieces, break crack rip smash. Oh what I would give to…. To move, to start again and again and again. It gets so boring. One life, one way of  life, I’m tired. Turn it upside down, shake my shoulders. Am I seriously the only one? The only one who is bored, bored of this, of doing this, again and again. Eat, sleep, gym, study, work, play. How utterly dull, such monotony.

I don’t know how to do it, I don’t think I’m big enough to take the step. I don’t think I could do it to myself- change it all, just leave it all behind. Really, if I just picked up and left. Stepped onto a bus, and went. Got onto a plane, and left. Just left. I mean I don’t know if…. Hmm……vagabond

                                 

My shine is wearing off. Like an old penny, covered in age. The glisten in my eye is dimming, the light in my pulsing heart flickers. Maybe reality is setting in, and I am hearing. I am seeing what ‘to be human’ really means. I’m seeing agony, I’m seeing heartbreak……………I’m seeing fear….. helplessness.

 

I can see it in strangers’ eyes. I see how much it hurts.

 

But we get by, because that’s all we know. And so we shuffle along, and keep treading water and we make a little life, surround ourselves with material comforts, and try to forget, plug our ears and close our eyes shut tight, and just block out what we don’t want to hear, what we don’t want to realize is so true.

 

And I see myself… I can see myself on this path, on this specific road, going down the ignorant road. Is it so wrong that I want something different for myself, for me, is it so wrong that I want something great? So just give me an earth-shattering blow and break me down into one trillion pieces so I can wake up and start again, so I can try again………. I just need to try again….let me try again

a random 15

I like the smell of hot milk.

I love sleeping in soft beds.

I think I’m a sincere person.

I like to sit in the front of the bus so I can see the road.

I try to read books that will open my eyes.

I love getting hand-written notes.

I like listening to songs over and over again.

I prefer rainy days.

I think there are people that weave in and out of my life, and I in theirs, where we have never met and may never meet, but somehow we are undeniably connected.

I want an amazing romance.

I like to make eye contact with strangers.

I save random objects and notes I find in a little hidden box.

I write things on money in hopes that they will return to me in years and years.

I look forward to really honest moments.

I sometimes forget to look up at the stars and realize how infinitesimal life is.