Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for September, 2011

until my eyes lose you

Would you just stop and pause? It makes me so frustrated when you speed through the days. It makes me so angry, it makes me clench my fists when you steam ahead, leaving behind a blurry trail. It makes me stomp and cry out. You, like lava pouring down a mountainside, unstoppable. You, like a speeding train, accelerating and accelerating, broken brakes. You, whirlwind. You…. you’re leaving. you’re getting further away. you’re already disappearing into the horizon, getting smaller and smaller, until my eyes lose you. You’re far. You’ve left me behind, you’ve forgotten. How? How could you have possibly let me go, how could you let me slip from your grasp, so smooth. You’re far and I’m here, crumpled cardboard cut-out. Gazing at the surrounding vastness.

Advertisements

22 and looking for love

Here’s the honest truth put bluntly. I’ll admit it: I want hollywood love. I want all the romance he’s got, I want the man to pursue me. I want the man: the tall, muscular and fit man with blondish-brown short hair and minimal scruff, who can look amazing in a suit and a fitted black t-shirt all at the same time. I want the man: the confident and witty, yet sensitive man who has every ounce of passion for life that I have and perhaps even more. I want the man: the honest and kind family man who will be a fantastic father, husband, and lover. Are you starting to understand that I am slightly delusional in seeking for what I and millions of other single women would term perfection? But can you blame me?

In life, people strive for the best in any aspect of the human condition. We seek the best tasting food, we try to show the best sense of style, we attempt to satisfy all of our personal desires with the very best, given material limitations. And in love too. If one considers the nature vs. nurture scenario in my personal conundrum, nurture wins out ten-fold over nurture. Since an age when we start to perceive so-called beauty, our environment is quick to define the version of perfection.  It’s ultimately what I described in previous sentences. Images of beautifully rugged men fill every angle of our peripheral vision each and every day. But not just images. It’s the notions, the personalities, the embodiment of values in combination with an extremely fortunate DNA. We are duped into believing that this perfect man is out there for every un-expecting, small-town, girl next door.

I fully understand that my expectations are undoubtedly shallow, unrealistic, and unattainable. But, I simply cannot help lusting over this ideal. And I can admit that this is my downfall: that I find faults fast, that I am unforgiving, that I pass over the just as amazing, nontraditional men. But, it comes down to the fact that reality cannot compete with an idea that is rooted within our collective conciousness. Ultimately, real men on earth simply cannot compete with made-up men who stand among gods.

reality within a dream is reality

MY dreams are amazing. beautifully filled with 5 senses– sight, well of course. the taste of chocolate, the smell of lemons, the touch of a passionate kiss, the sounds of human voice. perhaps the only sense lacking is reality in the traditional sense. But for that moment, for those utterly passionate moments, reality within a dream is reality. Without one doubt, the dream convinces the mind. Or perhaps the mind convinces the mind.

Dreaming, simply not so simple, is a space for the mind to wander. A space for the mind to fulfill desire, to face fears, to be invincible. It’s a reality completely our own. A reality, created somewhere between lobes of my brain. A full-fledged universe, with all the bells and whistles. A world undeniably mine, created and destroyed night after night after night.

Within that world, just as justifiable as the reality we exist in, the mind acts out, unharnessed from the ties of logical consciousness. Chaotic and oh so wonderful.