Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

A vast unknown

What do we expect of ourselves? In life I mean. We walk through life, thinking… believing we know what it’s all about. About life I mean. Becoming successful, powerful, loved, and wise. We act like we know, but how can we know? How can any of us have any, and I mean any, idea about what it’s all about. Life. What is it all about? That’s the real dilemma right? There’s no way to know. So we try. We try to figure it out, we hypothesize, we ponder, we create theories, we speculate, we believe, we have faith, we look up. It’s what we know, it’s all we know. We try to find ways to appease our thoughts, our questions… about life, about us. Tirelessly appeasing, endlessly searching for a reason, for an answer, for a sense of peace. But I’m not convinced, while it is tempting to be swept away with others. Why, you may ask, am I not a believer? I am not a believer because we are all equal, our mortality makes us equal. We are all the same, and therefore no one can be more knowing about the essential truth if there even is one. I am not convinced that we have figured “it” out because I’m not even sure there is anything to figure out. 

It’s entirely unsettling and completely uncomfortable, it’s terribly frightening to not have faith. It is human, this fear I feel. A reaction to an acceptance of my personal doubt. Doubt, disbelief. Rather than focusing on this, rather than focusing on answers, on cures, on faith, on reasoning, I’d rather focus on what I know to be true. And what I know to be true is this: I know that mortality is real, I know that I am alive, I know that I am breathing and I am here and my thoughts are my own. I know that this isn’t forever. I know that my fate most likely mirrors the fate of others. I know this. And while I crave comforts of faith and truth, answers and reasoning, I realize that they will never come. I realize that instead of tirelessly searching, trying, striving, looking, I should focus on what I know to be true. For me. And what I know to be true is beauty, and love, and happiness, and emotion, and struggle, and diversity, and a vast unknown that is vastly unknown to me. Frightening and terrifying. And so I strive for this, not for answers and not for faith, but for what I know.

I strive to revel in what I know. 

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