Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for August, 2013

Light

I crave the light, I crave that beauty, that bright, startling, blinding beauty. The kind of beauty you can’t help but look at, the kind of beauty you cant help up gaze at, stare at, the blinding beauty, that  is so bright. It’s like nothing else, it’s so pure and rich and deep and true, and good, and full. It fills you up, it washes away everything else. I want to see that beauty, that true blinding light. I want to bask in the beauty. 

Only a few know it, only a few, a lucky few get to see it. Get to revel in it, get to appreciate it for all that it is, get to truly understand the depth of it. 

I want to see the light, I want to see truth, and beauty, and I want to be filled by it, every inch of me, I want to feel it. I want to feel it. 

True beauty, it’s there, it’s out there. True, blinding, bright, beauty.. well it makes you cry. To live a life… to know it… to see the light. Ah, what a dream. I want to feel it, I want to breathe it, I want to know it, I want to bask in the light of beauty and truth. I can sense it, I am just on the cusp, or perhaps it’s at the cusp where you find true beauty, where you are in this very moment, in this VERY moment. Yes, I am here, alive, honest. I am here, breathing, writing, expressing, I am here listening. I am here trying to break through, trying to discover, trying to uncover. Ah, it’s wonderful, to be in this state of mind, searching. Loving. 

But all I can see, all I can imagine, all I can dream up, is a bright, blinding light. With me, standing there, eyes shrouded, squinting but staring in to the deep bright light. Tears, and happiness. It’s a blissful moment. It’s perfection.

It’s peace. 

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you

You. and all that you are. I want you.

I crave you, I need you, I want to be with you, I want to be by your side.

I miss you.

I miss us. I miss being with you.

I want to grow old with you. I want to be in your arms. I want to feel your warmth, your heart.

I want so much of you. I want to breathe you. I want to smell you.

I want to remember us.

I want us.

11:18pm

Here we go. words. let’s do this. Currently listening to Cinematic Orchestra. Yes. I love this.

Well, I feel older, I feel wiser. Today, I feel comfort. I feel comfort in my skin, I feel confident. I feel good. I feel better than I did before. I feel wiser than I did before. I feel like I’m ready, I feel like I’m getting there. I am getting SOMEWHERE. Somewhere good, I hope, I aspire. Hmmm, this music is so loving, so simple. It is rich and full. I can sink into it.

I’m conflicted here. Ok, here I go, no holding back. I’m torn, between two men, both friends, both wonderful men, both strong, both attractive, both loving. One clearly communicates better than the other. Aye, no more of this nonsense. What shall be, will be. Let the wind take it. Let the world turn, let things fall into place, let things happen. It always turns out as it is supposed to. Always. Simply don’t interfere, simply live, and go, and go with your intuition, and it will happen. It always does. I love trusting in nature, trusting in life, letting go. let go. trust and let go. and nestle in the comfort that things will work out. They will. They will. They will. Sigh.

Hmmmm, what else. I want to be confident and sure. I want to be myself and I want to go after what I want. Stop thinking and start acting. Stop second guessing. Just go, just do. You can.

When I listen to this song, it brings me back to reality. It brings me home, it brings me to myself and connects me back to life, to mortality, to these fleeting days of our lives. It reminds me that things are just things, but we are people, and we find meaning in and with each other. We are people, and we must find shelter in others. It reminds me of the stars, it reminds me of this universe, of the millions of stars, of space, of time. Of the grandness that exists, of the grandness of this life. Of everything that we get to experience, by fortune, but perhaps it is just because of our nature. We get to experience this, these things, because we are human, because we received the fortune to be born, to be here. We get to see light, and colors, and perceive beauty, and feel love, and feel the wind, and look up, and dream. we get to dream. what fortune. we get to see life, and death, we get to grow old. We get to feel. We get to learn and experience and explore and venture and take risks. We get to do all these things. It IS amazing. It truly is. You must know this, you must realize what great fortune we live in. What we know, what we are, well that’s something great. That is something that you must reach for, reach out and hold it tight. Always recognize the beauty that surrounds you, including the beauty that is you. Always be in awe. Always stand back, with eyes open. With eyes wide open. Realize that the pettiness that surrounds us, that surrounds you, is just that- petty, and small, and simply and oh-so-utterly unimportant. Realize that the grandiose that surrounds us, that surrounds you, is just that- grandiose, and wonderful, and amazing. Just… please… always realize, always remember, to stand back, with eyes wide open.

days

these are the days of our lives