Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for September, 2017

New, You

You’re new. And you’re promising. And I’m excited about you.

You’re shy, you’re timid, you’re sweet. I like when you’re affectionate with me. I like that you’re attracted to me. I like that you are trying. I know you’re trying.

But. Why is there a but. I want so badly for there not to be a but with you…. It saddens my heart to be honest and to acknowledge that there’s a but. Because I want so badly for it to be you, for you to give me what I’ve been wanting, needing, craving. I want so badly for things to be effortlessly good and feel right. I know things are never perfect, never oh so easy. But some things are easy, some things should be easy. It should be felt. It should be known.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is… I wish I felt reassured. I want to feel secure. Something’s missing. I want to feel like I matter, like I’m on your mind, like I’m your top priority, like I loom so large in your heart, like my feelings are everything to you, like when you look at me I feel your heart, your adoration…. I want to feel like you want me, like you would fight for me, like you want to put a smile on my face every single day, like you want to give me the world.

It bothers me and it concerns me that I’m having to ask for this. Isn’t this something that should come naturally if it’s right. If it’s chosen. I want you to choose me. I want you to show me, tell me, envelop me in the feeling that you want me, you choose me, you are here, in this, right alongside me. I’m there. Are you?