Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for Philosophy

reality within a dream is reality

MY dreams are amazing. beautifully filled with 5 senses– sight, well of course. the taste of chocolate, the smell of lemons, the touch of a passionate kiss, the sounds of human voice. perhaps the only sense lacking is reality in the traditional sense. But for that moment, for those utterly passionate moments, reality within a dream is reality. Without one doubt, the dream convinces the mind. Or perhaps the mind convinces the mind.

Dreaming, simply not so simple, is a space for the mind to wander. A space for the mind to fulfill desire, to face fears, to be invincible. It’s a reality completely our own. A reality, created somewhere between lobes of my brain. A full-fledged universe, with all the bells and whistles. A world undeniably mine, created and destroyed night after night after night.

Within that world, just as justifiable as the reality we exist in, the mind acts out, unharnessed from the ties of logical consciousness. Chaotic and oh so wonderful.

Advertisements

days dwindle and time prospers without you

As I’m hummingMatchbox 20  to myself, as I am oo-ing to myself, I’m thinking why. Why, and always why why why. Music is amazing to me, so so wonderful, it’s painting with the mind. Singing too, it’s gorgeous, it’s complex with all the minor, miniscule intonations. While I’m listening, I try to dissect–I try and pick out the little switches, changes, flips and dips. I try to figure out how the artist changes her/his voice, how these split-second decisions are made. When I listen to an amazing singer, an amazing, classic, heart-stopping, heart-throbbing, one-of-a-kind, stop you in your tracks kind of song, I must listen to it again, and again, and again, and again, and again. I listen and I learn, I try and observe every aspect, every angle, every dip and every flip. Sometimes, I can listen, and I can close my eyes, and paint in my mind. With a broad paintbrush, dipped in red paint, sometimes green, sometimes teal, I paint. It’s surreal, it’s luxurious, it’s beautiful. I can make art in my mind while I listen to the music, it flows.

Inspiration for art. It comes from music, it comes from life, it comes a lot. Sometimes, I can come across a thought, I can come across a scene in my life, and I can imagine it as art. Like a movie scene. A snapshot. I see something new.

I see a movie theather, with couples and singles scattered about. All facing a bright screen, black heads block some light from your vantage point.  I see myself in the middle of the theater, surrounded by strangers, all watching the same film, the same fate. I mean, can you imagine, seeing your life on the big screen? The first scene: your birth, you- a screaming baby enters the world with no warning, with no idea. none. Then you see your childhood, you see your transformation, you see development, you see your parents, your siblings. You see yourself starting to categorize the world, you start to learn judgement, you start to percieve, you start to realize your own thoughts, unique to the world. Then fast forward, you get taller, you get older, you age and you attain awareness with each passing year. There goes your teens, 20s, 30s, 40s. Can you imagine? Seeing past today, into the future. You see yourself as you will be. All the more scary and exciting…. could you imagine knowing one’s fate in this moment. Knowing where life goes, where you go. Knowing everything that will ever happen, right now, on the big screen, surrounded by my myriad strangers. You see yourself go gray, you see yourself age. Surreal to think about…. I mean, right now, that future doesn’t exist. It never happened, so it never will? Oh sure, every human goes through it, aging, but it’s singular. It’s unique and it’s belongs to oneself. I think experiences are unique, and while we see others go through them, their uniqueness, thier singularity is never tarnished. Childbirth, oh sure we know what happens, every detail, every moment. But, to experience that, well, that is unique. That is something special, and something that belongs to only a few. Death. That too is ultimately unique to every person, every life. Oh sure, we see people die, we see….people die. People die. But, to experience death, to experience, first-hand, it’s indescribable, it cannot be shared….And back to our featured film. You see yourself age, go gray and grow elder. Days dwindles and time prospers without you. Will you be remembered? Will your life, so unique and special, so wonderfully delicate, so singular in this booming universe, will it cause an echo? An impression? Will anyone even notice when you fade away? Oh man, I can’t touch that. I can’t go there, I can’t imagine that. I can’t. I can’t see that. I can’t. I can’t imagine bright lights going black.

what am I looking for?

I’m looking for someone to be with. Just be with.

I’m looking for someone to hold onto.

I’m looking for someone to talk to.

I’m looking for someone to explore with.

I’m looking for someone to go through life with, someone going in the same direction, parallel to me.

Competing With Creation

As humans, we are always creating. New technologies, new medicines, new expectations, new standards. With progress comes improvement, or so we believe. But, are we creating things we cannot compete with? With unachievable standards of beauty, fitness, life accomplishments and more, it’s hard to believe that modern humans will ever be satisfied. Magazines, TV shows, and movies are all sending signals, messages, and cues about what life should be, and moreover could be. And so we begin to crave that, strive for that, reach for that… But do we ever reach it? Or are we constantly falling short to the standards we place upon ourselves? Perhaps we are our own worse enemy in some sense.

Why care?

Why do we care? Why are we concerned with not only ourselves, but about others. Go farther than family. We seem to care about strangers, as we are all selfless. Caring for the well-being of others… but why? Why do we want to reduce poverty in the global south? Why do we want to cure infectious diseases and cancer? Why do we want people to stop smoking, start exercising, and eating healthy? It seems altruistic on the exterior, but I don’t believe it.

What I do believe is that humans, and all animals, are selfish to the core. Our actions, our decisions, everything we do is always for our own good. Directly and indirectly. Take, for example, eating ice cream. We eat ice cream because it feels good and sends endorphins to our brain. We educate ourselves in order to get high-paying jobs. We exercise because we want to live long and disease-free. But, we also help others because it helps ourselves. Perhaps out of ego and pride, we advise others because it gives us a sense of superiority, we look for cures because it satisfies curiosity, we lend a helping hand because it makes us feel good.

Altruism- the act of being unselfishly concerned for the welfare of others. Not possible. No no no. We are all selfish, even if it is for the purest intentions, we always gain something. From every action, we gain something.

Life. It’s a big word.

Where does my body end and the world begin? There’s 7 billion people. I’m breathing, watching my chest rise and fall, rise and fall. I’m taking in air, inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale deep. There’s 7 billion people breathing, their chests rise and fall, rise and fall. Some for the first time, some for the last time. Breath.

I think we learn from everything we do. I think there’s a inherent and basic thirst to treat every experience as important. Learn from what we do, learn from where we walk, learn from what we see, learn from where we stand. I think by absorbing everything around us and taking in every solitary moment and vision and feeling, we learn. We are learning about this earth, that seems to be a part of us, and us a part of it. It’s where we stemmed from. This gorgeous being, this special place in the universe perfectly place between the stars. And somehow we ended up here. Infinite chances that it wouldn’t be so. Infinite reasons for it not to be so. But, you only need one- one chance to be.

Are we really that special, that unique, that stellar? That we were given the chance- random or not, it does not matter. Out of all the potential people, out of all the potential possibilities, we came here. We started here, in this time and place. We were born from the stars, perhaps from infinite happenings, perhaps from absolutely nothing but chance. One single chance brought life, brought this reality to be. Is that crazy? Perhaps for our simple mammalian minds, but perhaps it’s the truth.

We live with the veil of immortality. An ignorance of where we are, of where we’re going. Speeding through space, our earth, our planet, breeding life endlessly and breathing endlessly.

I think unquenchable curiousity drives us. It’s that underlying question, that inkling, that place that the wandering mind goes. You crave to learn about everything around you because subliminally, in the deepest reaches of the mind, you realize that all that you know and all that you are is completely undefinable. I think we live in awe, and rather than sitting around stupefied by the vastness of the universe and a single atom, we keep moving. Constantly jumping from task to task, relationship to relationship as if that’s all that matters. I’m here to say that THAT is trivial. Can’t you see? This sense of need for accomplishment, need for love, need to be fulfilled, need to work hard and stand up for what’s right. What does it all matter? We’re simply, oh so simply, scurrying across this ball of mud we call home. Forgive me for calling this pristine place, this magical pinpoint in space a ball of mud, but it is. It makes me so furious, and partly ashamed because I partake in it as well, in the fact that we forget. Each and everyday we fall prey to a natural, animalistic need. We fall prey to what we think is right and what we think is good. We subject ourselves to what we know, what society has been saying for centuries. We accept and we go. We search for love, for acceptance, for entertainment. It’s all so so trivial, so small.

Look up, dream big and then bigger than that. Our primary concerns, well they have to be bigger than that. What else is there? Perhaps I’m asking big questions, perhaps the biggest questions. But those are the only questions that count, the only ones that are worth pondering about.

Life. It’s a big word. It attempts to contain a lot. I mean a lot. Perhaps it attempts to contain the uncontainable. Life is everything. No, not just the breathing, it’s everything. Because we came from it all, we came from stardust, from a flicker in space, from chance. Life is just as uncontainable as the universe itself, perhaps more so. And to ask what the meaning of life is, well that’s like asking what the meaning of everything is. And, I think that’s what is what drives underlying curiousity. We all have it, we all know that in the dark corners of the mind, there’s a question unanswered.

I mean is it useless to think about? Is it endless and therefore pointless?

I believe, with every fiber in me, that this is the only thing that matters. The only thing that should and does matter. Truly. Deeply. Life, while we may never know where it began, or how we came to be, or why, that’s the only thing that drives the concious mind. Trying to wrap one’s mind around reality, trying to contain the undeniably uncontainable. It’s exhausting and glorious.

a rude reptilian brain

It’s hard to control your thoughts. You know, those bad thoughts. The thoughts you wish you could take back. The kind of thoughts you don’t want anyone to know you had. I just had a bad thought. It’s hard to control your thoughts.

I suppose it would take some conditioning. Some practice. But who is to say censoring your own thoughts to yourself would be a good thing. Auto-brainwash? Hmm- probably don’t want the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind type of scenario here. I suppose, then, you’ve got to go past the point. Go to the source of the bad thought. Which comes from… well, I suppose that comes from nature, or is it nurture? Don’t want to get into that either..

Ok, bad thoughts… the source is impression and perception. Because thoughts are simply perceptions of what experiences we have, right? I think that’s right. And perception comes from… well, I suppose perception comes from some innate something. Somewhere deep in our reptilian brain. Perhaps perception is a trait, a gene that’s evolved and encoded for. I suppose perception and originality for that matter came from some distant evolutionary shift, positive selection; it must have been favorable. I suppose perception must be conditioned through what we see and hear, from what we experience, we build up these perceptions and judge the world by them.

Maybe that’s where my bad thought came from.