Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for heart

A beating heart

I look inside, and I see my heart. Beating, red, pulsing with life, humming with curiosity. I can feel the rhythm. I can feel it beating, again and again. I can feel it pumping effortlessly, gracefully. It’s brimming with life, with energy, with promise.

Feel

Bask in the moonlight

Swim in the fresh sea

Drink in the night sky

Feel the pulse within me 

 

My heart

My heart is so full. It wants so much- of life, of love, of family, of affirmation. It yearns, it craves, it hungers. 

Hungry, forever-wanting

I’m here and so are you. We are gracing this earth with our presence as I write. What a wonderful thought. To know you are alive, with someone else. How lucky are we to spend our days together, our numbered days, our handful of days. Each like a gem, a precious stone. There are only a few, only some and no more thereafter.

 I hope we witness beautiful things in life. I hope to understand how grand and vast and immense this earth is. I hope to travel and explore, I hope to find unknown and foreign lands and discover new territory in myself. We never stop growing, remember that. We are affected by it all, all the people, all the places, all the events, all of it. Every such small thing affects us, builds our weathered and weary bodies. Our hearts time etched and heavy. Our bones sturdy and strong. Our hands, wrinkled and humble, waiting, wanting. Our eyes, bright and hopeful. I hope to be hopeful, I hope to be curious and hungry, forever-wanting. I want so much for myself, and for you.

That warmth that fills your heart with hot red blood

And you stand with hair pulled back, and your hands are pressing against your ears, and all you can hear is the pattering sound of water on your skull, your cranium, your mind. And then the water rushes in, and fills all voids, swishes around and around in your mind, warm and fuzzy. Warm lights. Yellows and orange, it’s so peaceful, as if in back in the womb, when there was absolutely nothing, where there was just warmth, and light, and dim echoes of sounds, and the comforting sound of a mother’s heartbeat, of a mother’s voice. And your eyes are closed, and a slight smile sits on your lips, and you are cared for, and loved, and all is wondrful and beautiful because you are here, surrounded by warmth.

And then you open your eyes, and you see where you are, and  you see you. You see you and what you have become and you wonder what the hell you are doing right here, right now. If you have made ANY difference in this fucking world that you have been living in, so blindly. As if you haven’t started living, as if you are waiting for something good or great, something to change, some major life change  after which you will start living as the person you want to be, and you feel you need that fuckng push. That SHOVE. And it doesn’t come, and so you wait, and you slump, and your shoulders hunch, and your eyes lower, and your spirit withers, and all you have, all you hang onto is that little glimmering hope that ONE DAY that change will come. It will bring you up, lift you high and take you across, where all is good and wonderful, where life begins, and where you so desperately belong. And as you wait, and wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait, you see the fucking damage that this time, this torturous time has had on your rocky heart, and your wrinkled brow. And then self-pity sets in.

And all you want to do is crawl back into that warm place. That warmth that fills your heart with hot red blood and flushes your cheeks. That place that you know was the one place where you were sure, and all you had to do was close your eyes, rest your mind, and feel soft pulses, plush sounds, calm breaths. Just be still.

You’re the spark, and I am yours

Tell me I’m beautiful. Tell me I’m the one… Tell me there’s no one else, no one who could compare, who could make you feel the way you do. Tell me you love my eyes, my quirks.

For you’re the spark, and I am yours.

You’re the light, quick and sunkissed. I love your smooth skin, rough jaw, innocent eyes and determined heart.

You’re the sky, the sea, the sand, and all that I know.

uh oh uh oh uh oh!?

What do I say, I still feel like I’m really really good at pretending. Uh oh uh oh uh oh!? I want to except, expect, and do the best. I don’t want to settle, for anything, anyone. I want to be so passionate to the point where others simply look at me like I’m insane. I want to find my thing. That thing I live for, that thing that, if I didn’t have and didn’t believe in and didn’t do, I would be simply and utterly ordinary. Wide-eyed, kneeling, looking up, and knowing! that the world is the way it is, will be the way it is. I’m sure of only a few things in my life and in this world. For me, solely me, and not you, I am almost completely sure that killing is wrong, that an awakened and heightened life is what I need to strive for, that this, here, is what I should be doing, and that I’m terrified of dying without meaning, knowing that meaning, oh my GOD, it’s what I totally strive for! For if I knew, hmm…what would be left? Maybe that’s the point…but I feel that living with that understanding would be indescribable, where every decision would be so right… I can’t even freaking imagine it!

 

The drums are beating,

My heart slowly beats along

My mind buzzes, cloudily and fuzzily

Timid wings, quivering fires, guilty bones

A borrowed self

 

Dry your eyes!