Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for Love

Here’s what I deserve

Actually no. It’s not what I deserve. And I don’t think anyone deserves this. I think you’re just lucky… I think you have to be lucky to find love. To find someone compatible. To find someone else who complements you in the best ways. So here’s what I’m hopeful for: 

I hope to find someone wonderful. Someone passionate and kind. Someone family oriented. Someone who works hard, for not just himself, but the both of us. I hope to find someone who is handsome, who has strong arms and strong hands. Someone who can carry the weight of my endless aspirations, hopes and dreams on his shoulders along with his. I want someone who I’m so utterly attracted to. Someone whose outer beauty, while quite beautiful, pales to his inner beauty. I want someone tall, who can see the world a little differently than I can. I want someone loving. I want someone who holds me in his arms. I someone who will play with my hair as I lay my head on his bare chest, listening to his heart, feeling his warmth. I want someone whose touch sparks something in me. Someone that makes me feel giddy, and happy. Someone that fills my life with laughter, and I his. I want someone who will support me and stand by my side. I want someone who will listen, who will let me cry on his shoulder. I want someone who wants to build a life with me, who wants to have babies and start a loving family. I want someone whose hand will fit my hand, and only my hand. I want someone who loves life, who wants to explore and who wants to live freely because we only live once. I want someone I connect with, I mean really connect. I want someone who will fill my heart, my lungs, and my entire being with love.

Deserve? I don’t think any one being deserves love more than the next. But I’m hopeful. I’m hopeful.

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I want to be a diver, of both seas and skies

Show me something new, something different something fresh. I want to see it all, and I don’t think I have yet. I want to see the greatest of goods, and while it scares me, I know I will see the worst of bads. I am young, and bright-eyed, and I hope to stay that way. Forever. I hope to stay curious and hopeful. I hope to always have that light burning inside, that unanswered and eternal question “what does it all mean?” I hope that never leaves me. And I don’t think it will. I want to see what the world, and this life, and what the human condition has to offer. I want to see all of the intricacies. I want to explore them. I want to have a lover, and be foolish in love. I want to travel the world. I want to do good. I want to be confident. I want to remain healthy and strong and powerful. I want to find a man who cannot take his eyes off of me. I want to find someone to hold me tight, and who never wants to let me go. I want to connect to people and hear their stories. I want to see the struggle in their eyes. I want to know the beautiful places in this world. All of them. It almost seems impossible for one person to capture all of nature’s diversity. But I’ll try, don’t you worry. I want to be a poet. I want to be a writer. I want to be an artist. I want to be a dreamer. I want to be a diver, of both seas and skies. I want to be a dancer. I want to be an athlete. I want to be all of these things, in this lifetime. And I think I will.

A beating heart

I look inside, and I see my heart. Beating, red, pulsing with life, humming with curiosity. I can feel the rhythm. I can feel it beating, again and again. I can feel it pumping effortlessly, gracefully. It’s brimming with life, with energy, with promise.

Love, it’s random

Sometimes I wonder where he is… right now… you know, the person I’m supposed to be with. I guess “supposed to” is not the right phrase, because I don’t believe we are destined to be with one person. I believe it’s random, completely and utterly random who we end up with. Oh sure, we date and we have relationships and we fall in love and we choose who we want to be with… but what if that faithful day never happened. What if you didn’t walk into that cafe, bookstore or bar. What if you never met that person… well, some may suggest that the universe has a way of bringing you both together, that it’s fate, that eventually what should be, will be. But, I’m not so sure. I believe, perhaps, that if, on that fateful day, you failed to run into that person, then that’s it. It would have never happened, you would have never met and the randomness of the universe would continue. But, you would walk into a cafe, bookstore or bar another day… and meet another person, and fall in love, and get married and start a family. I believe that. I believe that it’s all random. I think we just have to be lucky enough to be somewhere at the right time in the right place to meet someone right.

Now, I used to worry. A lot. I used to worry about major life decisions. I used to wonder if I was making the correct decisions, if I had chosen the correct university to go to, if I had chosen the correct apartment to live in, if I had chosen the correct subjects to study, if I had chosen the correct career to go into. I questioned every minute decision. I wondered, what if I was supposed to do something, that would completely and utterly change the direction of my life. What if I made a wrong turn, minute or grand, what if I missed out on something important, something grand, something that was supposed to be, something that would have made my life the life I strive for, the life I hope for. What if I missed the chance of meeting him. That was my biggest fear. What if I missed him. What if we missed each other in the chaos that is our day to day lives. How tragic, how utterly tragic and sad.

 

But, I don’t think we live with such high stakes. And if we do, there is no way to know. There is no way to know if each and every decision we are making are the right ones, the ones that are “supposed to” happen. And therefore, I have come to the conclusion that it’s random. It’s uncontrolled and unpredictable. And today, I am ever-close and extremely far from meeting my future lover, partner, husband.

 

But I still wonder where he is, the one I will eventually end up with… whoever he is. I don’t believe in “the one,” but I do believe there is one man that I will end up with… and I wonder what he is doing… right. now.

My heart

My heart is so full. It wants so much- of life, of love, of family, of affirmation. It yearns, it craves, it hungers. 

I give in

Sometimes I give into the hopeless thoughts, those negative ones. Those dark and heavy ones. Those thoughts that make you question and wonder. Those thoughts that make you self-doubt and give in. Those thoughts that make you cry and cry.

You want someone who will give you the world. The world and his entire self.

He may not be a 10, or a 9, or an 8. He may be a 7. But, his heart is a 10, his heart is a 15, a 20. You want someone who will give you his heart, his whole heart and everything. You want someone who would do anything for you, for family, for your relationship. You want someone who will give you the world, who will give you his entire self. You want someone who will be there, who is committed to love, to life, to you, to your future children, to your futures together. You want someone who shares your dreams, your vision, someone who sees…. a beautiful life. Someone who is passionate and strong and willing and able. Someone who is dedicated and determined. You want someone unwavering. 

You want someone who will give you the world. The world and his entire self.