Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for sky

I want to be a diver, of both seas and skies

Show me something new, something different something fresh. I want to see it all, and I don’t think I have yet. I want to see the greatest of goods, and while it scares me, I know I will see the worst of bads. I am young, and bright-eyed, and I hope to stay that way. Forever. I hope to stay curious and hopeful. I hope to always have that light burning inside, that unanswered and eternal question “what does it all mean?” I hope that never leaves me. And I don’t think it will. I want to see what the world, and this life, and what the human condition has to offer. I want to see all of the intricacies. I want to explore them. I want to have a lover, and be foolish in love. I want to travel the world. I want to do good. I want to be confident. I want to remain healthy and strong and powerful. I want to find a man who cannot take his eyes off of me. I want to find someone to hold me tight, and who never wants to let me go. I want to connect to people and hear their stories. I want to see the struggle in their eyes. I want to know the beautiful places in this world. All of them. It almost seems impossible for one person to capture all of nature’s diversity. But I’ll try, don’t you worry. I want to be a poet. I want to be a writer. I want to be an artist. I want to be a dreamer. I want to be a diver, of both seas and skies. I want to be a dancer. I want to be an athlete. I want to be all of these things, in this lifetime. And I think I will.

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Feel

Bask in the moonlight

Swim in the fresh sea

Drink in the night sky

Feel the pulse within me 

 

Delicate Arch

Delicate Arch

A mash-up

Reaching, kneeling down. Arms high above, hands even higher, muscles tighten. Reaching for something higher, but what? Trying to grasp the sky, trying to clench the sun, trying to hold onto clouds. A look of strained despair and subtle defeat, growing minute by minute.

Slowly defeat conquers, and it utterly drains.

 

These are pretty bad times; a funk that I can’t get out of, I can’t seem to pinpoint the start and I can’t foresee the end—all I know is times were better before, and I hope they get better soon. I dread the idea that the best times of my life have long passed. Right now, I’m overdue for some good, life-changing, eye-opening good.

 

The holidays, known for family, friends, and warmth and love, aren’t so this year. I recall other years where December was a great time! I used to feel on top of the world—I was pretty, and likeable, lovable, and popular. I had people. Now, I can’t help but to feel bipolar, trying to superficially get along with him and her, wishing that this superficial love and adoration would suffice and transform to a reality. But it is so not working.

 

I think I’m just in a bad place, I’m not being honest with myself. Every night I go to bed with such a defeated spirit, and every morning I wake up, feeling like today I could change the pattern, I could be good and true, today could be the day!—but I cannot even convince myself to believe that its feasible. And so I lie, to myself mostly. And, within an hour or so, the day becomes sour—words are exchanged, tears drip, harsh tones become permanent. I missed the sweet voices I used to hear, I miss the laughter and playfulness—it’s never as genuine as it used to be.

 

The new year approaches, and as usual, we hope, and a united human race, that the next year will be better and brighter and lovelier than the last. But is it ever? I’ll try to hope so, I’ll try…but every year, it’s harder and harder to be optimistic…

 

Just know that I’m overdue.

Overdue for some life-changing and eye-opening good.