Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

Archive for Water

beautiful day in the bay

beautiful day in the bay

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Life moves with the waves

The sea is wondrous. Teeming with life, constantly and forever moving. Life moves with the waves, with the surges, with the crashes. The ocean, with such vastness, stretches around this earth, with its deep blues, teal greens, and foamy whites, with its mystery in inky black crevasses, with such power as it surges to touch the sky. As the moon tugs upon its waters, the creatures swim with such radiance and artistry, simply looking for survival. And the whales! Oh how I love the whales, such grandiose and majestic creatures, singing deep songs that echo for miles and miles. Yes, the ocean is wonderful and powerful, deep and wise, living, breathing, and forever moving.

Nature

Nature

That warmth that fills your heart with hot red blood

And you stand with hair pulled back, and your hands are pressing against your ears, and all you can hear is the pattering sound of water on your skull, your cranium, your mind. And then the water rushes in, and fills all voids, swishes around and around in your mind, warm and fuzzy. Warm lights. Yellows and orange, it’s so peaceful, as if in back in the womb, when there was absolutely nothing, where there was just warmth, and light, and dim echoes of sounds, and the comforting sound of a mother’s heartbeat, of a mother’s voice. And your eyes are closed, and a slight smile sits on your lips, and you are cared for, and loved, and all is wondrful and beautiful because you are here, surrounded by warmth.

And then you open your eyes, and you see where you are, and  you see you. You see you and what you have become and you wonder what the hell you are doing right here, right now. If you have made ANY difference in this fucking world that you have been living in, so blindly. As if you haven’t started living, as if you are waiting for something good or great, something to change, some major life change  after which you will start living as the person you want to be, and you feel you need that fuckng push. That SHOVE. And it doesn’t come, and so you wait, and you slump, and your shoulders hunch, and your eyes lower, and your spirit withers, and all you have, all you hang onto is that little glimmering hope that ONE DAY that change will come. It will bring you up, lift you high and take you across, where all is good and wonderful, where life begins, and where you so desperately belong. And as you wait, and wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait, you see the fucking damage that this time, this torturous time has had on your rocky heart, and your wrinkled brow. And then self-pity sets in.

And all you want to do is crawl back into that warm place. That warmth that fills your heart with hot red blood and flushes your cheeks. That place that you know was the one place where you were sure, and all you had to do was close your eyes, rest your mind, and feel soft pulses, plush sounds, calm breaths. Just be still.

Kayak Catharsis

Today I went kayaking. Random, I know. And much out of the ordinary! When my friend asked me to go, I was unsure, nervous about doing something that wasn’t programmed into my day-to-day summer routine. But, I decided I was going to start tip toeing out of my comfort zone; I decided I needed different, and if anything, this could potentially be great exercise.

            So, we strapped the kayaks onto my friend’s car and headed out to the river. On the way, I kept thinking, I hope I don’t fall into the water… I hope I remember how to kayak—it had been so long since I had. But, once we got there, and lugged those heavy boats into the water, I was excited. I was, for once, happy to be outside, in the sunshine, on the water, with swans, insects, and balls of slimy algae. It was great! I was in nature, and ready for all it had to offer me. At least I thought I was ready…

            My friend, much more muscular and experienced with kayaking, easily passed me with her quick and smooth strokes. I struggled to keep up, often drifting off to the side or colliding with her kayak. But, going downstream, with the wind behind us, kayaking wasn’t so bad. It was fun, as I peered through my tinted sunglasses at the buzzing life that infested the banks, and at the blue sky complete with a sparkling sun. Even while my arms started whining, I continued, not ready to let anything to ruin my time.

            When we decided to turn around, I began to worry a bit. I thought we had travelled quite a distance, and I thought it would take a while to get back. But I had no idea! I soon realized that my good friend the wind, who easily pushed me downstream, became my greatest foe. Ugh! I began to paddle—hard too. It seemed I was either going ant speed, or not moving at all. And if I stopped for a few seconds, to rest my now aching arms, the winds were determined to undo the little progress I managed to achieve. And, as to be expected, my friend paddled strongly and quickly upstream, appearing to be unfazed by the wind factor. While she began to disappear and as I struggled to move forward at all, she would look back and urge me to catch up. Humph! As if I could if I wanted to!

            We travelled like this—she stayed what seemed like miles ahead, while I busted my butt to move forward at an extremely, excruciatingly slow pace. All the while, I kept getting wet! Water drops fell off the paddles and onto my sleeves and pants, basically drenching me. Every stroke I took, water would hit my face—another sting to make me feel more and more defeated as time went on. I wanted to stop paddling so badly! My arms were sore, the winds had turned on me, nature didn’t look so glorious anymore, and my all-too-experienced friend made me seem slow and inadequate.

            But then I thought, this river was so similar to my life in so many ways. At times, I’ve felt like I was going up stream without a paddle (though I had one here, so I guess this cliché doesn’t really work). But, there are a lot of negative things in my life holding me down, pushing me back, and not allowing me to reach for my full potential. This river was doing the same thing! Not only was it not letting me get back to the warmth of the car, but it was also throwing every deterrent it could at me- be it wind, waves, or water. And so, I suddenly felt the urge to overcome this sucker! I wanted to conquer it, and prove to myself that I could finish this, and I could overcome anything in my life as well, however hard it may be.

            I sat up, took a deep breath, and dug my paddle into murky water, determined. And I continued by snail speed, once stroke at a time, oblivious to the water splashing all over me. Finally, after a loooong time and a lot of effort, I saw the dock! I pushed forward with more force- even increasing my speed a bit! When I made it, I was relieved! Yes! I had made it, I had it in me to finish! Woo Hoo! And I got a great arm workout at the same time.

            Today was a good day.

oh MY god

I’m sitting next to Gods! Can you imagine? Sitting next to those godly beings, those golden perfected beings? I’m at the cusp! At the cusp of something great!! I can feel it and taste it…it’s so frighteningly close! I have to push, it takes a lot. It’s like this huge massive amazing journey, this grand push, grand and final and ultimately life changing push!

Oh MY god, what holding me back, holding my hands, and pulling, harder and harder each day? Sure I make leaps and bounds every so often, but then, the next day and the next day and the next day, I step back, one at a time, one after the other, I lose quite slowly. A slow defeat. Drowning in mediocrity!

I feel it in my HEART. I feel it—the blood gushing through my veins, the chills that sprint down my spine, the water pounding, dripping, and drilling on my skull, I feel it! Oh MY god!

I sense something greater, greater than I’ve ever known! Honestly, I can honestly say this is true! I feel it must be true, for if it’s not, there would be Nothing else left! It has to be true, it has to! The quest—it’s what my life has to be defined by. It’s building up, like pressure, building and building and growing and building! And then, the release. .the release. The gush, the surge, the amazing wonderment, this higher than bliss feeling, Higher and higher and higher than anything, it’s that moment!

Oh I can only imagine! To reach that moment! Maybe it’s inconceivable, maybe it never happens, maybe it simply and forever, eternally never ever never happens. Maybe it’s something we just live for, something that we hope and pray and live for, but never happens. Maybe that’s the point.

Watery Rejuvenation

The water slides down my closed eyes and curled eyelashes

The water drips down my nose

The water slips over the contours of my lips

My hands clamp over my ears and my fingers twist around my smooth wet hair.

I listen, I hear

I feel the darkness around me, I feel the warmth soak in, I feel rejuvenated

Pattering rain fills my ears, I return to thunderstorms

Lush plants soak up the droplets, water dances across their leaves and petals

Marbled gray and white streaked across the sky

Everything seems so raw

Earthy elements cleanse

All I can do is throw my arms wide, and peer above, allowing the coolness to overwhelm my senses

Allowing the water to fill my heart, my hands—I love that feeling