Revitalization's Weblog

For the curious, questioning, and wandering soul

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I want to be a diver, of both seas and skies

Show me something new, something different something fresh. I want to see it all, and I don’t think I have yet. I want to see the greatest of goods, and while it scares me, I know I will see the worst of bads. I am young, and bright-eyed, and I hope to stay that way. Forever. I hope to stay curious and hopeful. I hope to always have that light burning inside, that unanswered and eternal question “what does it all mean?” I hope that never leaves me. And I don’t think it will. I want to see what the world, and this life, and what the human condition has to offer. I want to see all of the intricacies. I want to explore them. I want to have a lover, and be foolish in love. I want to travel the world. I want to do good. I want to be confident. I want to remain healthy and strong and powerful. I want to find a man who cannot take his eyes off of me. I want to find someone to hold me tight, and who never wants to let me go. I want to connect to people and hear their stories. I want to see the struggle in their eyes. I want to know the beautiful places in this world. All of them. It almost seems impossible for one person to capture all of nature’s diversity. But I’ll try, don’t you worry. I want to be a poet. I want to be a writer. I want to be an artist. I want to be a dreamer. I want to be a diver, of both seas and skies. I want to be a dancer. I want to be an athlete. I want to be all of these things, in this lifetime. And I think I will.

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A beating heart

I look inside, and I see my heart. Beating, red, pulsing with life, humming with curiosity. I can feel the rhythm. I can feel it beating, again and again. I can feel it pumping effortlessly, gracefully. It’s brimming with life, with energy, with promise.

Undeniably Unique

Who are you? Today, right now? What makes you? What made you?

I think the experiences we have are cumulative. I think that each and every person we meet, pass by, interact with, make eye contact with, well, they shape us. In some small or grandiose way, they shape us. Each breath, each step, each and every heartbeat is cumulative. They have brought us to here. Millions upon millions of happenings, of moments have made you, you. Undeniably unique.

A heavy heart

My heart feels heavy. I think it gets heavier as the years pass by. Things seem to get more real. Life seems to catch up to us. My heart feels weighed down, by the world’s problems and my own. It’s hard to explain, but I can feel such sorrow for so many. I feel sadness, I feel the pain of millions living in poverty, starving. I feel the toll on millions of children that will never enjoy a childhood like mine, that will never know what life could have been outside of their own. My heart aches for others, it’s something I carry with me, more and more as time goes on. And while I’m in search of my own happiness, I can’t help but wonder if my happiness is tied to theirs, to others’. I feel the weight of the world, wars and violence, struggle and hunger.. and I know there’s little that I can do, and there’s only so many people I can touch, and these issues will continue, likely until the end of days. It just hurts my heart to know that I led a life, a full life with such amazing experiences, that very few with know. Perhaps this is guilt I’m feeling, perhaps I feel undeserving. At times, I wonder if there is more pain than joy out there. Truly. I wonder. It’s a sad, sad thought to verbalize, but there’s just such injustice, such pain… Just in the people I’ve come to know, the people I’ve met all over the world, while they can make due and while they can find happiness in what they know, I know that they will never know a life like I have lived. Is it fair? I think it just is. I wonder, at times, what if I was in their position, in their shoes, living in such poverty, struggling to find shelter, to find food, to find safety. I’m not sure how I would cope, I wonder how resilient I would be. I’m ashamed, at times, when I realize how trivial my own problems are in the big scheme of things. I am ashamed, at times, when I realize how unappreciative, how ungrateful my thoughts can become…. I guess, what I’m trying to say is, my heart is heavy and it’s weighed down because when I compare my life to theirs, to others’, I wonder why I’m here and they are there.

I give in

Sometimes I give into the hopeless thoughts, those negative ones. Those dark and heavy ones. Those thoughts that make you question and wonder. Those thoughts that make you self-doubt and give in. Those thoughts that make you cry and cry.

Fly above

Fly above, among the clouds. Fly above, and look up. At the sun, at the stars, and the vast openness. Fly above, and look down, to the earth, to the cities, to the deserts, to the oceans, to the government, to the societies, to the history, to the cultures, to the past and to the present. 

Hungry, forever-wanting

I’m here and so are you. We are gracing this earth with our presence as I write. What a wonderful thought. To know you are alive, with someone else. How lucky are we to spend our days together, our numbered days, our handful of days. Each like a gem, a precious stone. There are only a few, only some and no more thereafter.

 I hope we witness beautiful things in life. I hope to understand how grand and vast and immense this earth is. I hope to travel and explore, I hope to find unknown and foreign lands and discover new territory in myself. We never stop growing, remember that. We are affected by it all, all the people, all the places, all the events, all of it. Every such small thing affects us, builds our weathered and weary bodies. Our hearts time etched and heavy. Our bones sturdy and strong. Our hands, wrinkled and humble, waiting, wanting. Our eyes, bright and hopeful. I hope to be hopeful, I hope to be curious and hungry, forever-wanting. I want so much for myself, and for you.